Our Rainbow

My second miscarriage was confirmed this morning. I would have been 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant. On New Years morning, I woke up with some spotting. Nothing major, except when I wiped and it wasn't accompanied by any cramping or pain of any kind, so I didn't think much of it. After all, many women spot or bleed in some manner throughout their pregnancies and there is no major issue at all. Later, around 3 in the afternoon, I went to the bathroom, and the pad that I used as a precaution earlier in the day, was soaked. The bleeding had become heavier and I started to have some cramping. I cried to my husband panicking that we were losing our rainbow baby. A friend of mine came over around then for a completely unrelated reason and I ended up telling her about my fear. That night, I went to the bathroom before bed and something came out of me. I think it was my tiny baby. I thought about fishing it out of the toilet, but there was no real need, I don't think. I had a prenatal appointment scheduled for Wednesday, January 3rd. I went in and explained what was going on. The doctor immediately ordered bloodwork and an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed no baby and my HCG numbers read 36. The doctor said that perhaps I was earlier in my pregnancy than I thought (like 3 weeks or so), which would explain the low HCG count and lack of baby on the ultrasound. She (doctor) said that the only way to confirm that there was a pregnancy or a miscarriage was to get more bloodwork done in two days to see if the numbers are declining or increasing. I went in to get blood yesterday (1/5) and was called this morning by the doctor, who told me that my HCG level decreased tremendously and they were now 13, indicative of a miscarriage. To say I am depressed would be an understatement. I have had all week to prepare for this news and in many ways, I had come to accept the outcome. But, hearing it confirmed broke my heart. 84 days after our first baby died, so did our second. AA